In the middle of the war,
down in the valley I laid.
The moments of time felt eternal
And inside, I knew, though I couldn’t see
for this desert and thunder surrounding me
This was a moment,
a moment to define the time I stood here with my choice.
Do I quit, or do I conquer?
Do I quit the narrow road I’ve sought and leave it all behind?
As a place I knew from long ago that helped me at the time.
Do I love the Lord, but live in the world and follow its every ways?
Do I call to the universe, the stars and the earth, when life doesn’t fall on my way?
Do I adorn the power of self upon me and take classes seeking fulfilment, enlightenment, and freedom?
Do I run from the storm and hide beneath the things that will stunt my growth?
Do I hide from the light in the places that give the momentary fleeting satisfaction of the ordinary?
Do I quit from the pain I feel and the hope I lost inside?
Do I declare unanswered prayer and let this faith just die?
Do I quit what gave me comfort and that carried me in pain?
Because this season’s like a heavy monsoon and I cannot breathe the same.
Will I feel more free within the world that’s filled with shame?
Will I be the person I am now, or will I return again?
To conquer and to run to the storm declaring Jesus claim!
That I was His price He paid on the cross, and this too shall pass once again.
Do I hold onto the hope I’ll conquer the feeling that sits in my soul?
And the demons that wake me in the night to tell me this story is old?
To I stand upon the hope I found that this season will finish too?
I’ll be stretched, I’ll be grown, equipped and released and prepared for the new storm to come.
Do I take the ownership that my pain comes from the very mind He gave,
where I tried to control and figure it out and pave my very own way?
Do I conquer in repentance the lies I believe, more than His word some days?
Do I look upon man for letting me down and not seek His perfect ways?
I conquer through repentance and I’ll keep on looking to Him.
I conquer in my own revival where my soul is surrendered to Him
To conquer is choice daily,
I accept that I shall fall.
But, I love you too madly
to not try to conquer at all.
Stacey’s Reflection On This Poem
I wrote this because it’s been a particularly hard season. One that has challenged me beyond measure.
I thought a few times like I could just go…This could be where my faith journey ends, this could be all there was.
As I sat, I knew free will has given me that choice, but could I go on living knowing what I know about my God?
Knowing that I need to fight for my faith and in the fight are seeds – seeds I didn’t know I had, seeds that may fall to the ground and do nothing, seeds that could help my family, and seeds that others see.
Jesus took the cross so I didn’t have to. He needs to grow me for the next season and listening to the noise of the pain and of the hurt and the doubt and fear, nothing grows there. Growth only happens in Christ and in running into the storm declaring His control.
To conquer all in the storm and do so in Jesus name and By Jesus name.
And then it all went still.
If you enjoyed this poem for the theme of growth, check out this poem by Mim, also on the theme of growth.