The loneliest but holiest tears are the ones cried in secret.
The tears that only God has knowledge of; the ones He has taken a record of.
The ones that won’t exist when we get to Heaven.
Many of those tears can be attributed to the brokenness of one of three key relationships: our relationship with others, our relationship with ourselves, and our relationship with God.
Hi, my name is Kyle. I’ve been married for eight years to an amazing man, Cristhian.
Eight years is just a drop in the bucket to some but, in the past eight years, we’ve been through a lot of things that could have broken us.
Yet, here we are, by the grace of God, still together and taking steps to cultivate our marriage.
Marriage is hard and it gets especially difficult when faced with uncontrollable circumstances.
Our Infertility Journey
One huge blow to our marriage was our three year battle with infertility. It was a three-year storm that accumulated many of those lonely tears.
The repercussions from that battle are still evident in our marriage today, and it’s something we must intentionally tend to often or the weeds of self-doubt, guilt, or resentment, can choke us out.
Through our challenges, I’ve learned that there are three essential tools that help me navigate and cultivate those three key relationships.
It’s important to note that, though the benefits of focusing on one key relationship are great, it’s truly only when they are combined that healing and growth may occur.
Find Your Tribe
Being in a healthy and trustworthy community with others who have similar goals for their marriages has proven to be incredibly valuable.
Community offers support when we are walking through something difficult.
There is power in community, as we all have our own unique set of strengths.
When we have others who are willing to be vulnerable and transparent it allows us to let our walls come down, too. Once the walls are down, community is there to help rebuild relationships on a solid foundation.
Perhaps this community can be found within the walls of your local church?
Look for small groups to connect with and commit to showing up.
Another tool that has been helpful in keeping my marriage healthy and thriving, and also has been a blessing for myself and our marriage, is counselling.
My husband and I struggle with communicating effectively and we’ve gained helpful tools by talking with a counsellor.
Might I suggest even talking to a counsellor when you aren’t experiencing issues at all?
We take our cars in for maintenance checks, why not do the same with our marriages?
Invest in things like marriage retreats, where you can spend quality time asking good questions and gaining insight on how to come together when facing conflict, because, without a doubt, there will be conflict.
If your partner isn’t open to seeing a counsellor at first, seek counselling as an individual. It helps us to understand ourselves better and gives us insight on how to deal with difficult emotions and circumstances.
The Power of Prayer
Last, but absolutely not least, pray.
We have been given such an amazing gift in being able to commune with God.
Prayer doesn’t always change the challenges we face, but it ultimately changes us.
Even if it feels like nothing is changing, we can trust that God is in control and is working things out for the best.
Prayer allows us to be vulnerable with God and, in that vulnerability, we are growing in our trust with Him.
During difficult times, simply ask God what it is that He wants to teach you through this.
Journaling my prayers has been therapeutic for me because it is so encouraging to be able to look back, and take inventory of the times God has shown up, and it strengthens my faith.
What a humbling experience it’s been for me to learn how small my problems are and just how big God is.
Cultivate Your Seeds
Keeping these three key relationships healthy takes intentional effort, but by cultivating them little by little it gives way to an abundant harvest of the good seeds you’ve planted along the way.
As we heal, and grow, we will be able to confidently say that the best is yet to come.