Little girl…I’m sorry I didn’t understand then what you needed.
What it was that could have helped you make sense of what was going on in your little life.
I couldn’t help then because I didn’t have the revelation or the language.
I am beginning to understand a bit more as time goes on; I am beginning to get a clearer picture of who I am.
But who I am now is shaped largely by who you were back then; how you learned to respond to triggers.
That learnt behaviour is still there within me…when those triggers come.
It affects my thinking, my emotions and behaviour.
I need to understand who you were back then so I can understand who I am now.
I recognise more and more that I don’t need to be stuck, as if you little girl, are still the one guiding the adult me; teaching me how to think, feel, behave and respond.
I want to thank you, little girl, for being strong and courageous enough to get me through to this point, but as a grown woman I no longer have need for the strategies you passed on to me.
I have outgrown them.
They no longer fit.
They are restrictive and unhelpful.
They are holding me back.
I need not be trapped in the past.
I need not fear anymore.
I need not hide any longer.
I need not play the game to belong.
I need not conform to have a place.
I need not please in order to be validated.
I need not keep quiet.
I am increasingly finding my voice and I like the sound of it.
I need not be silenced any more.
I will not be.
I need not act out of duty.
I am not willing to pretend.
Little girl, I thank you because you served me well but it’s time for us to say goodbye.
You will always have a place in my heart because you played a part in who I have become but I lovingly sever ties with you because I am now grown.
Not fully because there is much growth still to come.
Much learning still to embrace.
Much evolving still to take place.
I will learn to hold the space to allow myself the room to grow.