Testimony

The Desires of Your Heart

Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like the grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.
Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.
Psalm 37:1-6

I grew up knowing these scriptures.
To me it meant this big God was going to give me things I wanted and I TOTALLY believe He will give us stuff we want simply because He loves us and He’s a good God!

He gives me deals on new shoes, and good parking spots.
He has given me a house when there was no stinkin’ way I should have been able to afford it.
He has wiped out debt that I could not have paid for myself.
He has healed me.
He does stuff for me just because He freaking loves me!

So, when I was believing God for a baby, I studied this verse.
I spoke it out loud, I wrote it down places all over my house, and I prayed it.

But two years went by with no baby.

I peed on that dollar store stick every month but still nothing.
I was getting depressed. I was frustrated and angry.
I went to someone for advice, insight, and prayer.
I told them that I wanted a baby and that this verse says that I can have it.

Her response was shocking.
She said, “No, honey, that verse doesn’t mean ‘you get what you want’. It means, the desires that you have in your heart are there because God placed them in your heart.”

Um, what?

So, my choice was to look at it her way or my way.
But, wait, actually I had a third choice: both!
I could see it both ways.

Not only is God a God who gives good gifts to His children but He can place the desire for the gift in my heart.

When God places a desire in my heart, how much more would He help me get the thing I desired?
The very next verse says we are to commit our ways to Him and trust Him then He will help us!

Yes, please!      🎵Help I need somebody..not just anybody🎶

Here’s the deal, though. I had to commit my way to God.
I dedicated my future child to God long before I knew whether I would ever end up pregnant.
I had to trust that, even though 2 years had gone by, God was still a good God who was faithful to help me receive a promise. Even if His answer didn’t come the way I hoped it would.

I took what she said about the verse, and how she looked at the verse, and merged it with how I had previously understood the verse.
God placed the desire in my heart to be a Mother so I knew He would help me acquire what I longed for.
He would help me to become the Mother I longed to be.

What’s your desire?
What is your passion?
What do you daydream about?
What are you good at?
What do you want to get better at?

It wasn’t two months after this that this time I sat down and peed half on my hand and half on a stick, but this time it has TWO pink lines.
(It was from the dollar store, not one of those fancy-schmancy ones that say pregnant/not pregnant).
I literally jumped up and down. I was so excited I couldn’t eat.
And that was before the morning sickness hit.

God had delivered!
And, this time, it looked exactly how I hoped it would.

God gave me a passion, a drive, and when I realized how He had been the one to place that drive on the inside of me it was so much easier to receive the gift of fulfilment and purpose.

All along, even before the two pink lines, I had been taking small steps to get closer to what I had envisioned.
I had an idea of what it would look like when I had a child.
I did things to get closer to that vision, from buying onesies and toys, to painting the room.

What baby steps can you take towards the vision, passion, desire, and purpose God has placed on the inside of you?

Is your passion for art? Then go buy crayons and color something.
Is your passion working out? Then dust off the old yoga mat and Youtube a yoga routine.
Is your dream to be a rock star? Then go listen to 80’s rock ballads in the shower and sing at the top of your lungs. “🎵I’m still a rock star. I got my rock moves….🎶” And so on…

Trust God.  Know that God is a good God and, when He is the one who placed that desire in your heart, He will totally help you achieve it!
Start small today and watch God move you towards your purpose.

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